Ladies and gents, Lemme tell y’all my story of how i ended up hitting the submit button. —> going on a mission.
My journey to decide to serve a mission was a challenge for me. It was a long process. I was not stunned by the change of age announcement last October 2012 conference, because I was not yet ready and sure.
If i could remember it exactly, At 17, I listed some of my big plans for my future. First on the list was to finish my studies . Second, to have a good job. Third, GO ON A MISSION. Fourth, temple marriage. I posted it at the ceiling so that it would be the first thing I see every morning each time I wake up.
March 2012, I graduated from college, I finished Bachelor of Science in Business administration major in Financial Management I was really happy because I put all my effort to finished it. And now, it’s already done.
Two months after I graduated, I got a good job. While enjoying the pleasure of being a working girl, I meet some challenges, I became WORLDLY, I began to desire the vain things of the world, which is opposite from the standards and principles I’ve learned from the church. The mission thing disappeared in my mind. Satan is really trying hard to drag us to a misery life. And yes, I was tempted to do things which I thought I’ll be happy, but I’m wrong.
If someone asked me if I will serve a mission, I would gladly say, “yes, I will”. But growing up has never been easy, there have been many changes in my life, which I can’t control. From non-member boys to peer pressure at work, months of not magnifying my call as a ward missionary, not attending singe adult activities, compromising my standards, not reading the scriptures for almost half a year, haven’t attended institute, I became spiritually inactive. I feel like I am far from Heavenly Father. My goal has changed, from serving a mission, in to going abroad because it has always been my dream.
I am not happy with my life at that point. I feel that there is something that I should do and I need to figure it out.
Then going on a mission has crossed my mind several times. and I just rejected it over and over again, thinking that young women are not obliged to go on a mission. I wanted to serve God but wasn’t sure if it’s through serving a full-time mission, plus my desire had vanished. Knowing that I’ll have to leave my comfort zone, my family and friends. I became hesitant, I felt doubts and fears and worried about what’s gonna happen if I continue my plans of going on a mission. I’m struggling to get an answer for year and a half since I graduated from college. I tried to pray seriously about it and asked if I should go on a mission, I feel good after praying but I still don’t know the answer.
July 2013, I meet a wonderful guy, his name was Mark (name changed) he was a Returned missionary, I can feel the strong spirit when we dated. We went to the temple and the most funny thing about this was when he asked me why angel Moroni was chosen to be on the top of the temples and why was he carrying a trumpet and (shoot!), I dunno what in the world, was I’m actually doing that I can’t answer his question. So i feel ashamed about that, I feel like I am not worth to be with him. He has a strong testimony while I can’t even answer a simple question that a primary child could. (Blaaahh!)-judge me.
So I made up my mind. I want to be like Mark. I want to answer every question that he’ll be throwing, so I have to be prepared. (i know this is selfish, but I will never know if going on a mission is right for me) So, I’m starting to attend institute again and while I scanned my old institute notebook, I read a note saying, “a double minded man, is unstable man. I cleared up my mind and felt I needed to decide now. I have to choose between what’s right and wrong, after all there’s no such thing as grey areas. lol! it would mean choosing between temporal happiness or eternal happiness.
(It’s just funny sometimes that the Lord uses instruments to answer someones prayers.)
I prayed hard to my Heavenly father asking what should I do. I begun reading the scriptures and I learned to love it. I begun working with the missionaries and i feel happy preaching the gospel.
I will never ever forget that one Sabbath morning, I was inspired by a closing hymn which is played by my sister at sacrament. It was “The time is far spent”